Reiki Renewal

I am on a lifelong spiritual path, and recently, I've been seeking some spiritual guidance. Churches make me really uncomfortable. I really don't have the money to pay for training courses or to attend seminars, so I've been consulting the Google for inspirations on how to become the best version of myself. I think my friend, Mon Chi is psychic or something, because he sent me some things to read and study yesterday, when my need for guidance was perhaps a little higher than 'normal'.  I'm really too ADD to sit and read through everything he sent all at one time, so I skimmed through it all. The thing that really caught my eye was this article, which you can read the for yourself on my group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/reikirenewal/ . It's called "37 Practices of the Bodhisattva" by Jean Myrner. Here's a direct link to the pdf: https://lookaside.fbsbx.com/file/777%20Energy-of-the-Bodhisattvas.pdf?token=AWxqSADGm8MWmxzyezLpTOCUl7...

Meditation, the real, actual, clearing your mind of any and all thoughts kind of meditation is HARD!! I've done plenty of these guided 'meditations' on YouTube (guided visualizations might be a more accurate way of describing them), asking you to visualize walking through a meadow to a magical place or visualizing white light entering your body to clear out all the lower vibrating energies. These are very helpful and have worked for me for years. They really help to calm me and relax me and put me in a better mindset, but I've never really tried to do 'real' meditation. Like the Buddhists do, where they sit there and clear their minds of everything and just be. I attempted to meditate last night. It ended up being more like a push-thoughts-out-of-my-mind over and over again session. There was a millisecond here or a half a second there when I actually accomplished having zero thoughts. As someone whose mind normally runs at least 50 different thought process...